You must go deep and get dirty within yourself in order to come out clean and transformed.
We all experience traumatic events in our lives … If it’s the death of a loved one, divorce, betrayal or even a natural disaster. It happens, and yet so many times, we choose to simply accept what is and not work through our crap in order to become more whole on the other side. Perhaps fear, ego or shame get in our way of healing. I get it. I have been there. Yet in my own experience, I can tell you that by working through that which scares you most, life becomes far better than ever imagined.
Trauma needs to be worked through and cleared from your body in order for healing and transformation to occur!
Here is why:
Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. says it best in his book The Body Keeps the Score, “As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself. Hiding your core feelings takes an enormous amount of energy, it saps your motivation to pursue worthwhile goals, and it leaves you feeling bored and shut down. Meanwhile, stress hormones keep flooding your body, leading to headaches, muscle aches, problems with your bowels or sexual functions-irrational behaviors that may embarrass you and hurt the people around you. Only after you identify the source of these responses can you start using your feelings as signals of problems that require your urgent attention.”
It’s worth the work to Live Life Boldly!
I have not always been this fearless, happy-go-lucky woman that so many people believe me to be. There were periods of my life that were painstakingly horrific. Yet had I not addressed the struggles, I wouldn’t be living in the happiness.
I was traumatized so badly from November, 2013-May, 2014 that yes, I wondered if I would survive. I suffered from PTSD and Relational / Betrayal Trauma. Very, very few knew that I was in the depths of Hell. Words cannot express the pain of having your heart and soul ripped from you upon discovery of your partners betrayals. Your world is not what it seems as you begin questioning those around you – colleagues, friends, perhaps family members … and yourself. Fear takes over as you search for safety.
Ultimately, partners of relational / betrayal trauma and those suffering from PTSD feel as though they are divided in two. On the outside shines smiles and laughter while on the inside, they are experiencing a horrible toxic death. In passing, you may never guess that anything is wrong. Yet behind closed doors, they cry in the bathtub or cower in the closet – praying to God for help.
I realized the seriousness of my mental health when driving down Interstate 405. Heading to Orange County on a packed freeway, the words in my head were clear.
“If I slam this car into the concrete overpass, all of this pain will go away.”
That one fleeting thought scared the sh#t out of me. Petrified so deeply, I white-knuckled my hands to the steering wheel and froze. I cried when it hit me what could have happened. Not because I was sad, but because I knew how bad off that I was. The despair had gone to a new depth and I didn’t know what to do.
During those months, I powerfully learned (once again) the necessity of working through traumatic experiences. Because I had survived trauma in the past, old footprints would eventually lead me in the direction needed. I called a coach/therapist and begged for support. Nature therapy became my workbook through the healing process. Finding a support group that understood what I was going through – that was key.
I cried a lot during those six months. In the safety of nature, wherever and whenever the tears came, I let them run down my cheeks and land on the dirt. I didn’t care who saw me. My tears became guides through the sadness.
The rage was overwhelming. Beating my paddle against the Pacific Ocean when SUPing four miles offshore, I screamed blood-curdling words from my soul and didn’t care who heard me. Owning my anger and releasing when needed gave me the security to trust myself.
Working through the emotions was exhausting. I lost so much sleep. I couldn’t live with the pain when awake. Yet it crept into my dreams at night. I became used to being tired. When needed, even in the middle of the night, I sat on the 28th Street Lifeguard Stand to ground myself and pray.
And yet continuing on my path and moving forward, here is what I learned:
If you don’t own and work through your difficult and traumatic experiences when they happen, eventually they manifest into deeper issues aligned with physical ailments. You cannot ignore or sweep under the carpet what is there.
I dedicated myself to healing during that year. And even today, I take at least thirty minutes a day to work on me. No apologies. I learned that healing and transformation is not something that happens once in your life. Rather, it occurs over a lifetime; it is a process with no beginning, no ending and is constantly evolving.
So please, take time to work on you. No longer be at war with yourself – instead, clear your trauma, heal and take back your life.
In benefit to you, I am listing my upcoming retreats below where I personally guide you through your transformative journey. I am also currently accepting one-on-one coaching clients. In addition, you will find two trauma clearing healers who I have worked with, both personally and professionally. Contact me for information. I’m happy to walk beside you. You are worth it.
January 29-February 2, 2019
February 24-28, 2019
May 3-7, 2019
Sara in the Red Heels Video Tip