You’d have thought that I had it all together. But on the inside, I was dying a slow death. That’s the thing about our mental health: It’s not something that others see.
These pics from last month show me happier than I’ve ever been!
But Thanksgiving Eve, 2013, C-PTSD struck me hard.
In a second, I lost my marriage, my family as it was, and the life that I had known.
I will never be the same woman who I was before the moment that trauma hit.
I will never be the same mom, daughter, friend, sister..
I was suffering. But no one knew.
Had I have been shot and my physical health compromised, you’d have seen my suffering. But because this was mental health that no one saw, well, no one knew.
Suffering is suffering. And that’s the thing to remember most:
>> Those who suffer from mental health often look like those who don’t.
What mental health looked like for me:
• My mind raced.
• I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat.
• I had little focus, and a lot of memory loss.
• Anxiety issues, depression, constant replaying of what was true and what wasn’t.
• I had issues with safety. Who could I lean into? Who could I trust? Could I even trust myself?
• Many times, my body felt completely disconnected from my mind, heart and soul.
• I was in constant fight, flight, or freeze.
And yet, through all of this, I parented my sons, volunteered, put on birthday parties, kept the household going, and managed everything that I’d done before trauma struck.
It was so, so hard!!!!
And to be perfectly frank, I am lucky as h@ll to be alive. I know that to my core.
For me, I thank my support group, my therapist, my three sons, family, friends, community, and my time in the mountains, in the Grand Canyon, and on the ocean for guiding me through the darkness.
TO THOSE SUFFERING: I see you. I hear you. And remember that even when you feel alone, you are not. Please, reach out for help.
AND TO ALL OF US: Be kind. Be gentle. We don’t know what other humans are going through. Treat others as you wish to be treated, because someday, you may wish for that same understanding and grace.
You will get through this.
I promise.
THE WAY OUT IS FORWARD.
#worldmentalhealthday