We’ve all run into mean people and narcissists.
Through our careers, school, marriage, and various relationships.
It’s not easy!
Years ago, I was working as an art teacher at an elementary school. A new principal was brought in, and right away, we didn’t mesh. She constantly picked apart how I organized my classroom. She slashed my art budget by nearly half because she “didn’t think I needed such good supplies.” Any chance she could get, I found her under my skin and in my business.
I didn’t realize at the time how manipulative and gaslighting her behavior was. I didn’t realize how she used her power to feed her ego. How as a leader in our school, she minimized me as a woman, teacher, and member of the school community. And, she did this to so many others, too.
Many, many hard lessons came from that time in my life.
And even so, I found myself in more than a handful of similar situations and relationships thereafter, where I was left to feel “less than.” Luckily, with hard experiences comes a lot of learning and wisdom.
Below are some quick lessons to help you understand narcissism, and some wonderful tools to help you when faced with these situations.
Through my experiences, I have learned that narcissists will:
• talk circles to confuse you.
• threaten you, and then rescind their threat to make you feel crazy.
• interrupt in person, or send either very long or super short texts.
• never hold themselves accountable or responsible.
• talk down on you, or insult you.
• tell you, “You think you’re so great, but you’re not.”
• give empty threats and empty promises.
• hold no intention of resolving anything with you because this is fuel for their narcissism and ego.
• never care about your feelings, mental health, or your nervous system!
• create drama to feed a sick sort of happiness.
• flip conversations until you’re on the defensive and attack.. and then say things like, “You’ve never changed.”
• HIDE FROM OTHERS HOW THEY MISTREAT YOU, AND CONVINCE OTHERS THAT YOU’RE THE BAD PERSON.
When faced with mean people and narcissists, DO THIS:
• surround yourself with people who love and see you.
• love yourself and protect your energy.
• regulate your nervous system.
• go into nature; ground yourself.
• breathe.. breathe.. breathe..
• set firm boundaries.
• don’t engage.
SAY THIS IF YOU NEED TO ENGAGE:
• “Your anger is not my responsibility.”
• “I cannot control how you feel about me. And I’m good with that.”
• “I refuse to be bullied. I choose to disengage with you. Goodbye.”
• “I will not argue with you.”
• “How you choose to live is not my responsibility.”
Below are images made for you to download to your phone or computer. Keep them close to help you understand a narcissist better, and to have tools at your fingertips when placed in these situations.
I only wish I’d had this knowledge years ago myself!
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We all matter.
And, I love you.
xo
Sara
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